Satan's Attack Plan One Thousand and Ten

January 27, 2013

It seems that every time I turn around Satan has another way to attack me; another way to sneak under my skin and slip in the lies that sound so much like truth.  He whispers, “You are not a good art teacher.  You don’t know what you’re doing.  You’re an impostor, a fake.   How could you think you could handle this job?”  I finally find confidence in my job and he continues, “You are all alone.  You have no friends.  No one cares about you.  Your friends back home have moved on and don’t need you, and no one here loves you either.” And then I am reassured by a Skype call with a friend from home and a heart to heart with another teacher here, affirming she is a true friend.  And so he digs in deeper.  “You are not a good Christian.  You are not doing enough.  You are not making an impact; God is not pleased with the little you have accomplished this year.  Aren't you supposed to be saving souls?  Well where are they?  Maybe you should try a little harder…”  And then I’m reminded that God does not desire my accomplishments and achievements.  He has never loved me for what I have done, but for who I am.  That is enough.  And so he tries again: “You are always on the outside of social circles.  You never know the inside scoop.  You are always the last one to find out news, even when it concerns you.  You don’t fit in here.” And he convinces me to pity myself and withdraw.  He starts to win when I shut myself off to others and get bitter.  He starts to win when I wonder if I’m really enough.  And then he piles on top other worries and fears.  “What will next year bring?  You will be all alone.  It will be just as difficult as this year.  What if you get a roommate you don’t like?  How are you going to come up with more lessons?  What if you don’t make new friends?  Be. Very. Afraid.”  No.  Here it stops.  I will not believe your lies.  I know they hold no truth.  I will trust in you, Jesus.  I will trust in you…

The Lord’s my Shepherd, I’ll not want.  He makes me lie in pastures green.  

He leads me by the still still waters.  His goodness restores my soul. 

Chorus: And I will trust in you alone, and I will trust in you alone; 

for your endless mercy follows me, your goodness will lead me home.

He guides my ways in righteousness, and He anoints my head with oil; 

And my cup, it overflows with joy, I feast on His pure delights.

And though I walk in death’s dark path, I will not fear the evil one; 

For you are with me, and your rod and staff are comfort I need to know.

Why is it so easy to listen to Satan?  Why is it so hard to get him out of my mind?

Jesus comes in and tries to overcome these voices.  I try to make his voice louder than Satan’s but sometimes they battle and I go back and forth.  He says, “Trust me.  I know what I’m doing.  I have good plans for you.  I will give you the right roommate.  I will take care of you.  You don’t have to worry about next year – I have it all planned out, all under control.  Don’t you know that I love you to the ends of the earth?  Don’t you know that I care about you so much and want what’s best for you?  This is all in my plan.  This is what is best for you.  Even though you don’t know what the future holds, I do.  Have I not been faithful this year?  And in the past 23 years?  I will be faithful again.  I will provide again.  I will love again.  Trust in me and my plans.  Don’t be discouraged.  Don’t worry.  You are loved.  You have friends.  You are not abandoned.  Do not feel alone, my child.  You are of great worth and I will take care of you and provide for you every day. Trust me.”

(Afterthought: It seems like most of these attacks have been in the past month - right after I made my decision to stay for another year.  I don't think that's a coincidence   Satan obviously doesn't want me to come back next year so he is doing everything to make me discouraged enough to quit.  Too bad for him - Jesus is stronger, he has already won, and he will help me fight this battle the rest of this year... and the next!)