Do You Trust Me?

In the past few days I have been thinking about how much I’ve grown in the last two months.  My perspective, the way I approach life, and my trust in God have all changed.  I was also thinking about college – how much I changed in college but even more, how much I’ve changed and grown since then.  It’s crazy to think how fast life can change.  Just 7 months ago I was graduating from college and had no idea where I was living or what I was going to do with my life.  I had no idea at that point that in 5 months I’d be on a plane to spend a year in Thailand.  As I looked back at my life the lyrics of one of my favorite songs came to mind.  “When the road starts to turn around each bend I’ve learned you are good, so good…”  (You Are Good, by Point of Grace).  So often my life has come to a bend in the road and I didn’t know what was around the corner.  But I have found that around each bend, in each turn, God has been so faithful, always providing my next step.

I am learning to trust in God like never before.  I won’t say it’s easy (because it’s not) and I won’t say it happens all at once (because it doesn’t).  It’s a process but one I am so glad I have started to go through.  It is hard here but I would rather be growing ever closer to God and knowing him more and trusting him more and having to rely on him because I have nothing else, than to live an easy life where I do not need God and do not have a close relationship with him.  Having to rely on him, constantly reaffirm my trust in him, and daily remind myself of his close presence are all things that I would never give up for an easier life that I could   manage on my own.

This morning I woke up feeling anxious about my weekend ahead.  In fact, I wake up most mornings anxious – anxious about my day ahead, what will happen, if I’ll be lonely, stressed, or okay.  But then a question popped into my mind only minutes after waking up.  “Do you trust me?”  I know that God was asking me this question.  Am I going to trust him today?  The next image that popped into my mind was Aladdin, standing on his magic carpet, his hand outstretched to Jasmine, asking if she trusted him enough to come and take a ride.  The analogy is somewhat silly but it is so true.  God is there, holding out his hand for me, and asking me if I trust him enough to take hold of his hand and fly with him through this day.  Do I trust him enough to get me through all the twists and turns life might throw at me?  Do I trust him to steer well and keep me upright?  Do I trust him to provide for all my needs and surprise me with random acts of love?  Do I trust him to get me through all the ups and downs, hold me tight through it all and get safely to the end?

I’ve been reading a new devotional that has triggered a lot of these thoughts – it’s called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  I read a sentence that honestly shocked me.  “I guarantee that you will always have problems in this life.”  In my head I knew this was true but my life did not reflect this knowledge.  I spend so much time and energy trying to make my circumstances perfect.  I try to minimize the problems in my life and make my life more perfect and smooth, with everything going just as it should be.  I suppose that is why this sentence shocked me so much.  I will always have problems - in fact they will probably get harder and more complicated as I get older.  My circumstances will never be perfect and my life will never be smooth.  The solution, I am learning, is to trust God in everything.  So often I base my life, emotions, everything, on my circumstances.  One wrong thing and I’m spiraling down.  The devotional continued, reminding me that while my circumstances may change, God does not.  Instead of grasping to steady myself on my ever-changing circumstances (similar to trying to steady yourself on a flying magic carpet) I need to cling to God, who is firm through it all.  If I focus on God and put all my trust in him, my emotions won’t have to change so drastically with every slight change of the wind.

Some days putting this into practice is harder than others.  Sometimes my day goes fine.  Other days I feel more anxious and I go through my day saying “I trust you.  I trust you.  I trust you.”

And when I put my trust in God, truly allowing him to be God of my life and letting go of the reins, I feel my anxiety melt away and a warm peace fill my soul.  I want more of that – more of that peace.  I hate waking up every morning feeling anxious (and I was reminded recently that this anxiety is not from God), but when I spend time with God, each day redeclaring my trust in him, I feel Him transforming me, changing the way I view the world, and making me more into who he wants me to be.

The world is often like a magic carpet ride.  There are ups and downs and nothing feels solid and all I want is to rest my feet on solid ground and feel secure.  But the world doesn’t offer that does it?  The world is full of problems and changing circumstances and twists and turns and we can’t see around the bend or even the next step forward.  But I am learning each day to trust in God and to know that he is holding onto my right hand, he cares about my every need and will provide for that need, and he will light just enough of my path so that I know where to put my next foot forward.  It is hard but it is keeping me close to him, it is making me squeeze his hand ever tighter and trust him to hold me up.  It is allowing me to feel his love and presence like I have never felt it before, to feel his peace at the most unlikely times and to daily take my anxiety, bring it to God, and respond, “I trust in you.  I trust you to order my day, to provide for all my needs, and to take care of me.  I trust you.”  And finally, it is allowing me to grab hold of his hand, step out on this crazy ride, not be afraid of what will come (for what can happen to me if I am with God?), and to join him in this adventure called life, trying to live it to the full.

I would also recommend the devotional “Jesus Calling” for anyone, especially if you are struggling.  Each devotional is short, but it is like Jesus is talking to you directly and the way that he speaks is so tender and loving.  It has reminded me of God’s tender loving heart and how much he truly does care for us and does not want us to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders.  He wants us to rest in his presence, be renewed by his love, and just abide with him every day.

Quotes from my devotionals that have triggered these thoughts:

“Keeping your eyes on Me is the same thing as trusting Me.  It is a free choice that you must make thousands of times daily.  The more you choose to trust Me, the easier it becomes.  Thought patterns of trust become etched into your brain. Relegate troubles to the periphery of your mind, so that I can be central in your thoughts.  Thus you focus on Me, entrusting your concerns into My care.”

“I want you to learn a new habit.  Try saying, “I trust You, Jesus” in response to whatever happens to you.  If there is time, think about who I AM in all My Power and Glory; ponder also the depth and breadth of My Love for you.”

“Trust me by relinquishing control into My hands.  Let go, and recognize that I am God.  This is My world: I made it and I control it.  Yours is a responsive part in the litany of Love.”

“It’s all right to be human” – whew!  What a relief!  (I struggle a lot with this - I am a perfectionist and want everything to be perfect - not only my circumstances but everything I do.  It's a good reminder that I am not God, I will never be perfect, and that that's okay!)